Where is Mr. Blackwell When We Need Him?

I’m an avid sports fan – not of all sports but certainly enough to make my wife roll her eyes from time to time. Like many sports fans, I love the tradition and history in which many of the storied franchises are wrapped. However, there is one element that drives me a little crazy in the following of my favorite sports – uniforms. This might be an odd thing to get on one’s horse over but there are some offensive expressions of sports fashion out there that needs to be called out. We fans have to wear these colors and designs to support our team – how about some consideration? Here are a few of the worst – broken down by the sport.

Baseball – The Toronto Blue Jays used to have a great uniform (click here) but in the pursuit of trendy, edgy and new age, their look (particularly the dark colored ones seen here) are just wrong. The Diamondbacks/Marlins/Rays – any team whose years of existence are outnumbered by uniform varieties they’ve worn need to be disbanded at once. I know that the San Diego Padres wear the camouflage uniforms in honor of nearby stationed troops, but they look hideous – and I’ve worn camouflage utilities.

Football – I cannot stand the New England Patriots, whose uniform (here) looks like a holdover from the old USFL. What makes it worse; they used to have the best. The Atlanta Falcons have had a horrible uniform since the decided to go all black back in the 1990s (whoop, there it is). Why oh why won’t they return to the red and white? The Carolina Panthers must include the most awkwardly benign caricature of an otherwise fierce creature in sports (throw in Jacksonville Jaguars for much the same reason). Lastly, the Philadelphia Eagles color scheme is all wrong – their uniform is so monochromatic, I expect the helmet design to disappear soon (here).

Hockey – There are a group of teams with the most ridiculous mascot designs for their attire, including the Florida Panthers, the Columbus Blue Jackets (though, to be fair, the name of the team hampers the pursuit of good ideas), the Nashville Predators, the Phoenix Coyotes, the Pittsburg Penguins (here) and the Tampa Bay Lightning. You might say that the Penguins get a pass as an older team. No. I’m from the Baltimore/Washington area, I cannot stand the Penguins, and so they stay on the list out of principle.

College football – The reason for this article was a string of criminal uniform designs in the opening weekend of the 2011 season. The worst, and that is saying something, belongs to the Georgia Bulldogs who always sported a classic look. But the icing on the cake are my beloved Maryland Terrapins (here). What in the name of God was that they wore against Miami? A local radio personality brought up a good point – that uniform went through the approval of a host of board of directors, university officials, coaches and players. Not one of them, apparently, protested. What about the Oregon Ducks, you might ask? I’m sure others have said more eloquently than I could how hideous their various incarnations appear. How one university could screw up so often on something so simple is beyond me (here).