I’ve
not been as prolific in my writing as I’ve been in the past. A couple of months ago, my wife had a baby –
a girl. I once did not understand
people’s compulsion to stay home, quit work and devote one’s time completely to
the child. I’m still not sure I
completely understand but I’ve gained over the last couple of months a new
appreciation. Now, my life will center
on following Shakespeare’s words – “It is a wise father that knows his own
child.” However, there have been many
decisions to make and no doubt, many more to come.
Even
before she was born, my wife and I wrestled with a name to give her. We had so many criteria that the process was
a bit mindboggling. We did not want a
name that was too cute – she was sure to grow into an adult embarrassed by a
cute-sounding name. We did not want a name
too popular – my wife’s experiences growing up with one of the most common
names of her day served as a cautionary tale.
We wanted a name that flowed – a name that rolled off the tongue. We liked various French names but did not
want something with diacritical marks – lest she be condemned to a life of
mispronunciations. At the very least, we
did not want a child who would end up in therapy years later because of the
name we bestowed upon her.
Now
that she is among us, a new world has opened, filled with responsibilities and
decisions to make regarding her upbringing.
I do not say anything in this blog as a criticism to what other people
are doing but simply an explanation of what we would like to do. One of the first bits of advice that we
received from doctors and nurses was, “You cannot spoil a baby.” I reject that out of hand because of the
assumption being made. To say that a
baby cannot be spoiled suggests that a baby cannot learn, that cognitively
nothing is going on within our daughter.
I believe our daughter, all babies in fact, are born as rational
creatures that do nothing for whimsical reasons – all that they do is the
product of and is influenced by their environment. I choose to believe that our daughter is
constantly thinking and learning – for better or worse.
Likely
the biggest thing I wonder is the degree to which I can foster the maturation
of a young woman who is confident, intelligent and tough. I imagine parents would like their children
to be like them so that life is not disrupted too much with extemporaneous
events that must be attended, interesting no one but the child. Still, I have aspirations. I hope she is a baseball fan, who becomes a
prodigious reader and enjoys the great outdoors. I hope she enjoys history, following the
words of Tacitus and thinking of her “forefathers and posterity.” Of course, I’m not so naïve as to think she
will be like me. However, I can try and
then understand if she tells me fill-in-the-blank is not her cup of tea.
There
are so many other ideas that have run through my mind regarding my daughter. However, this would be at least a ten page
blog entry so I’ll stick with the big concepts.
When she was first born, I was not sure what to think of this beautiful
child and the fact that I was her father.
Now, I find myself fascinated with and enthralled by her each day. When I look at her, I wonder about
everything, including what she will become.
So, if she does not take to her Tacitus or does not find joy in the
Orioles, I will work hard to ensure that she is a thinker, she is a doer, that
she will go into this world mentally tough, intellectually formidable and realistically
confident. More importantly, I hope she
is a good person.
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